Archive for August, 2007

Was blind but now I see

{ August 23, 2007 @ 11:06 pm } · { Life with Jesus }
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Life group was awesome tonight. Instead of having the let’s-split-into-discussions-group time, many of us shared our life testimonies. Some were teary, many we could relate to. God is so gracious to us. Many of us went through tough times and God’s grace is sufficient for us and He would never let us go through what we cannot bear. When we were singing the song Amazing Grace tonight, i was just reminded of the time when i was ‘blind’.

I woke up one day with a very bad headache. It was those sharp pains that would almost kill your brain. I took plenty of panadols and it would only help for an hour or two, and then the pain would come back. I was addicted to panadol. I was on drugs. I went to see doctors after doctors, and no one could tell me what was wrong with my head.

The headache continued, on and off, until i almost couldn’t take it anymore. I was up to a point where i wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. Basically, die peacefully. And then one morning, i woke up with blur vision. Everything seemed to be so blur. I walked out and i couldn’t read the signs properly on the road. I was like..oh man, this is it! Do i need glasses or what’s with this? I was so scared… the feeling of not being able to see. I was already starting to imagine ‘what if i can’t see forever’ what if..what if… All the what ifs running through my head. 

At that time, i could only turn to God. I did many many check-ups From MRI scans, to CT scans to various blood tests to lumbar puncture. I had more than 10 needles going thru my body in 5 days. Believe it or not, i had to do lumbar puncture 2 times, because the doctor got it contaminated with blood the first time. If you do not know, lumber puncture is when the doctors take out some liquid from your spinal chord, very painful! Especially when u’r still awake and conscious. I screamed my lungs out. Just thinking about the procedure brings tears to my eyes.

Despite all the pain, God was with me all the time! I went through it, knowing God is going through this with me. At that time, i felt so helpless, and i could only rely on God. I had to go on steroids after to decrease the inflammation in my eye. As a result, i grew…fat..yes i gained more than 10kgs. Very embarressing - i cant believe i’m saying this in public. During that time, i also felt the love of the people around me. I don’t think i’ve ever felt so loved in my life before. I had the most visitors in the hospital, i felt like a princess. I couldn’t have felt better. Life group members brought me sushi, pearl tea, mp3 players, ipods, cd players. I had everything! Haha. Felt so spoilt! And of course, God healed me through doctors and medications. Praise God now i am strong and healthy again!

Just wanna share a verse which touched my heart during that time. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Evax

{ August 23, 2007 @ 9:43 am } · { Challenges in life }
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For those who know me well, you will know that going out for evax is probably not what i’m good at. I always wonder, if other people can do it, why can’t i? I’m no different rite? Going out for evax has always been a challenge for me. I don’t talk to strangers easily, it takes a lot of courage and boldness to talk to someone i do not already know. Someone once commented ‘If people don’t know you, they will think you are not friendly’. I thought about it..it is true! I gel very well with people i already know.. but it takes a lot of effort to talk to strangers. Yes that’s me.

I decided since talking to strangers is not my area, i would focus on friendship evangelism. I have this group mate, whom i have known for 3 weeks. A friend from our lifegroup also knows her. I thought about it on the weekend and i wanna invite her to lifegroup. I talked to her about it and she said she will come! She needs a life changing experience -  she needs God! Pray that she won’t change her mind about coming to our impact week next week. Pray with me…

dreams

{ August 16, 2007 @ 11:16 pm } · { Random }
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I had a random dream last nite. I was swimming in SGCC (Sabah Golf and Country Club) in KK. 2 guys from church were also swimming there. Anyways, i wam a few laps and then suddenly someone came up to me. He said ‘ i found staples!’ It was those staples where u use to make in high school. Bascially u get 2 staples and u put it together and twist it in a way that it would stand. We will make many of them and then put it on people’s chair so that when people sit on their chair, it will hurt their bums - a very naughty thing to do. Anyways, they told me to give the staples to the security guard, it might hurt other people in the pool. I touched it, it was hot! Almost burn my finger. Anyways, i took it and went to look for security. I was searching and searching and i saw this guy selling chips. I asked him where the security is, and he said security closed already. And he wanted to sell me Smiths chips (sour cream and onion flavour) for RM20.80! so expensive..i didn’t buy it..i woke up.

This is dream is so random. Honestly, who would care about that small piece of staple in a huge swimming pool. Haha is there such thing as a security in the pool? This is not a hotel. This dream is unexplainable. It just remind me of my high school days when i was making those staples. hahah

Once a backslider

{ August 9, 2007 @ 11:23 pm } · { Life with Jesus }
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Discussion group time was awesome tonight. We talked about God’s love for the backslider. Surprisingly everyone in my group has backsliden before. I thought they were all ‘goodie goodie’ but i was wrong. Haha. Let me testify about God’s grace in my life.

I was born in a Christian family. I grew up going to Sunday school. I was the best kid, sorta. I loved church and i had an intimate relationship with God. It’s such a blessing to be brought up in a Christian family. All the values that i learnt since i was young was based on the Bible. However, things changed when i turned 15 and i had to leave home to study overseas. I backslided coz my friends in high school were not interested in God. Church was boring, 10 minutes in church felt like 10 years.

Soon later it turned from bad to worst! I went to uni in Townsville (JCU) and i was the popular girl among the Malaysian boys. I hung around them because i thought they were the only people who understood me because we share the same culture. I hung around bad company. They drank, they smoked, they clubbed, everything they did were against the Bible. But i wanted to be in the ‘cool’ group so i hung around them. Soon later i fell into the trap of ‘love.’ I got ‘involved’ with some guys and when i realised what i was doing, it was too late. I could not turn back time. Time flew and it was the end of semester. The guy i ‘liked’ was going back to Malaysia because he has finished his studies. My heart broke, thinking how i could go on without him. I know what you are thinking.. how stupid of me. So blinded by love at that time. It’s so true how people say ‘love is blind’. I can so relate to that phrase at that point in time.

He went home, leaving me heart broken. I felt so helpless. The day he left, i decided to start a new life. I applied for QUT because it has the best business faculty in Queensland. I didn’t do very well in my first year of uni but God is gracious, i got in!! Here’s my testimony of how i came to QUT. I’m so glad that God also prepared a church for me. A spiritual home where i can grow in Him. God is so faithful to me, He still loves me even though i backslided for 4 years. I was once a backslider but it will never happen again! I do not regret anything that has happened in the past. I believe God planned this for me, so that i can share this testimony to people around me and help people who are going through the same situations that i did! The greatest thing is that God still loves me even though i backslided. His love for us will never change. For i know the plans i have for you, declares the Lord, plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Inspired by my tutor

{ August 8, 2007 @ 11:22 pm } · { Inspiring }
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I was walking from QUT to the city after a whole day’s of class! As i was walking i saw my tutor waiting at the traffic light. He is the best tutor i’ve ever had so far. I love his tutorials coz of his teaching methods. Even though it’s a management subject(most management subjects makes me fall asleep in class), he made it so interesting for me. The thing that makes me more excited is that he is from Malaysia too! A place where i call home. Anyway, i was talking to him on our way to the city and he inspired me heaps. He has 3 degrees and 2 masters! So smart man. He told me stories about his friends still sailing in the market even after graduating for 2 years. I was like wow.. i don’t want that to happen to me. He was telling me about doing voluntary work. Like what daddy always say, don’t be afraid to lose. Don’t be afraid to work more. The more you learn the faster you will become a boss! We don’t need to gain something in everything we do. Even though we don’t get paid doing voluntary work, it’s good for my resume when i wanna get a job. I really wanna work in a bank after i graduate. Mainly coz i wanna get cheap loans to buy a house. Haha. So materialistic of me. I need to get out of the fresh graduate ’pool’. Unlike Malaysia, employers here look at work experience more than anything. In Malaysia, as long as you have a degree, especially from overseas, everyone is more than willing to employ you! Praise God for my tutor. I’m glad God planned this walk for us. I’m so blessed to have him as my tutor, he’s someone i respect and look up to.

Amazing G-race

{ August 4, 2007 @ 8:07 pm } · { Challenges in life }
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My thighs are so sore! We had Amazing G-race. It’s sorta like the tv series amazing race except this one is just 2 zones around Brisbane. I was in a team with 4 other friends. It’s very interesting to see how people with different personalities work together. My goal was to win the race. One team member’s goal was to go around Brisbane, looking at new places. Another one was to have a fun time with each other. It’s so hard to work together when everyone was doing the same task, but we weren’t working towards the same goals. It is just amazing to see how God put people with different personalities and different characters together in a church to build God’s house. The difference in church is, or rather, our church, everyone is working towards the same goal. We share the same vision. I learnt something today, accept one another for who they are. It does not matter if they’re a choleric, sanguine, melancholy or a phlegmatic! They are all equal in God’s eyes. I’m super duper exhausted, goin to recharge my body soon!

Bacon and scramble eggs on pasta

{ August 3, 2007 @ 12:36 am } · { Challenges in life }
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Kim was rostered to cook pasta tonite. Due to some reasons, she couldn’t come to lifegroup. I decided to bring pasta for her instead. And there was me, wanting to try something new, so i decided to make carbonara sauce with pasta. It was my first time making carbonara sauce from scratch, so i wasn’t exactly sure how to cook it. I’ve seen my cousin cooked it though, but i kinda forgotten the steps coz it’s been a while already. Anyways, i cooked the sauce wrongly, i put the egg in while the milk was boiling hot. Guess what? It turned out to be scramble egg with bacon sauce on pasta. Man, i felt so upset after. I even had tears in my eyes. I had to call my ’si fu’, Don, to ask for advise. He said my steps are wrong, that’s why it became scramble eggs instead of the egg blending nicely with the milk. Was debating whether i should bring it to life group or throw it all away. I made a decision, i brought it to life group and praise God, people actually liked it. I hope they really mean it when they said they liked it, and not just saying it to please my ears. I am so glad they finished my pasta. God sees my heart, i will do better next time. It is my imperfections that make me so human! Here’s a pic of the pasta.jpg i made. Don’t laugh!

Pride vs humility

{ August 1, 2007 @ 12:07 pm } · { Challenges in life }
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Last night, after the whole HOT POT party, i was sitting in my room, like usual, in front of the computer using MSN to chat with my friends overseas. Someone knocked on my door, so i was like ‘Come in’. Surprise surprise, guess who it was? Steph. She walked in and she was like ‘Ruth, i’m sorry.’ I was like ‘for what?’ *Trying to re-call if she did anything wrong to me* And she said, ‘i don’t know’. And then we got distracted and talked about something else. My point is… I can see the humility in her. Sometimes, it is hard for me to say sorry even though i know i have done something wrong. It’s called pride. There are times when i think i am better than others. There are times when i think i am so good, i may not say it out loud but i do think it in my head. haha. From today onwards, i shall put God first, others second and myself last! Yes, i shall start practising it today. James 4:6 says ‘God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud.’ I pray that God will take away any pride in me and replace it with humility.